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Chapter Eleven
A Marriage or a Merry-Go-Round?
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. –Mignon McLaughlin xi
“Dear God, I have a problem. Well, not exactly a problem . . . I’d call it a grave concern. It’s about my marriage. No, I’m not contemplating divorce, although several of my friends have encouraged me to consider it. I’m not there yet; just a little confused. You see, we were so excited on our wedding day…and for some time after. One of our friends told us this was normal because the fairy princess expects to marry the handsome prince and the handsome prince thinks he has married the queen, but after a while reality sets in.
“It took some time for reality to set in for Tom and me. After scrimping and saving for the down payment, we finally moved into our first home. And then, the children came. Two of them…as you know. Don’t misunderstand, we are thankful for all you’ve done for us.
“But then, after a few more years, the chore of daily living settled over us. Occasional squabbles turned hostile. Disagreements about money…vacations…in-laws, and well, you know…sex. We’d always make up. Some times that was the only alternative. But the problems were never completely resolved.
“Now I wonder if we are getting as much out of marriage as we should. I don’t know what more we can do. If it continues like this…feast and famine…hot and cold…war and peace…I’m confused and worried. Is this what marriage is supposed to be—a merry-go- round—or is there more? Anyway, thanks for listening, God.”
If you had to answer that prayer, what would you say? Would you mention that many become confused about marriage because if it doesn’t start out right, it’s got less chance of being right. In the beginning, they imagine days of meaningful activity and nights of togetherness and passion. Along come the kids, mortgage payments, career changes, personality clashes, and arguments over trivialities. Startled, they realize they are going round and round with no goals or objectives other than short term emotional thrills, soon forgotten in the drudgery of daily living.
God’s Attitude About Marriage
Is that what God had in mind when he presented Eve to Adam and pronounced them one flesh? Is he now willing to make concessions? “Whoops. I made a mistake. Those human beings aren’t behaving. I’m going to cut them out of my will. What was Plan B again?”
Nothing of the sort. Take off your shoes; marriage is holy ground. It’s a permanent and sacred union of two personalities who find a physical and spiritual satisfaction with each other which they could not find alone. With Jesus as guide, they navigate lofty mountains and steep valleys, the three of them locked together all the way. Two pilgrims, one leader.
Notice any compromise here? Any uncertainty? A concession, perhaps? God doesn’t compromise when it comes to marriage. He is just as serious about marriage as he is about sin and grace for dope addicts, about love and mercy for murderers, as well as for the thieves and liars who sit in the front row in church.
A Christian marriage is more than an experiment in Let’s-Make-a- Deal. Those locked in the one-flesh contract don’t get a free get-out- of-marriage token when words like thunder shake the house and dirty looks are daggers that cut pride into small pieces. Marriage is a union of a man and a woman founded on mutual respect, a determination to succeed, and a resiliency established through faith in Jesus. They have a rock to cling to, and guidance from someone who knows them better than they know themselves. That rock and guidance are based on a few simple words of Jesus: “Love each other as I have loved you” (l John 15:12).
Just a second! In his final instructions before his passion, wasn’t Jesus simply instructing his disciples how to behave toward one another after he was gone? Plugging that passage into the context of wedding bells and nuptial vows is pushing the envelope too far when it comes to arguments about who’s going to clean the basement, take out the garbage, pick the kids up from school, show up at school functions, or…well…you know the drill.
There’s no stretch here. Jesus sets the love-bar high when he uses the key phrase as I have loved you. Love each other as I have loved you from before you were born, from before the world was set in place, from eternity. Love each other as I have loved you as the apple of my eye. Love each other as I have loved you as the one who humbled himself for you, as the one who died for you, as the one who watches over you night and day.
The Cornerstone of Marriage
The cornerstone of a Christian marriage is neither difficult to describe nor tough to understand. God didn’t say, “Feel good about one another.” He said, “Love each other.” Love each other with a love that indulges itself in the happiness of the other; a love proud to serve and eager to forgive; a love that fulfils its own needs by satisfying the needs of another. Like peanut butter and jelly, a sheep and its wool, a stamp on an envelope, husband and wife come together to become something they could not be alone.
Read more about Talk to Me, God… I’m Confused and Wayne Bartelt HERE.
Copyright 2010 Wayne Bartelt. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the author.
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