Xanta Claus is a humorous, uplifting fresh story guaranteed to brighten your holiday. David Kringle, Santa’s brother, who realizes his destiny is to start his own fairy tale.
Excerpt
It was December 27th and David was anxiously waiting for his older brother’s sleigh and reindeer to pick him up on the roof top of his Manhattan apartment building. It was the night of their annual family Christmas dinner and David had told his brother he had a special surprise for him. Oh, yes we should probably mention David Kringle’s brother is Kris Kringle also more affectionately known as Santa Claus. Each year the Kringle’s celebrated Christmas on December 27th due to Kris’s annual commitment.
Unlike his brother, David Kringle was a slender, dark headed, handsome man with a quick wit and a way with the ladies. However, he still hoped to find the one, even though he had been searching for over a thousand years. Kris had been able to find Claire and he was as big as a house and wasn’t even able to see his toes in over a thousand years, so David thought there was still hope of him finding someone. Anyway, David is a good person, just a little rough around the edges. It is tough living in the shadow of a brother more famous than the Pope or Gandhi. That would be a hard act for anyone to follow. David had found a niche in life as an author writing about the family business. Title’s such as “Elves Gone Wild”, “One Reindeer You Don’t Want to Pet”, “What Happens at the North Pole Stays at the North Pole” and others. These were fiction mind you but less than flattering views of the North Pole and Santa’s operation. Despite these indiscretions, Kris loved his brother and always supported him. Tonight was a special night as David believed he had finally found his destiny and was anxious to share it with his brother. He heard bells jingling in the distance and stood up in preparation to board the sleigh. Soon David could see the sleigh approaching the roof top like a plane does a runway with it touching down smoothly and proceeding towards David. However, David thought the sleigh was traveling a little fast on its approach when it went into a hard sideways drift just before it reached him spraying snow and slush all over David who just stood there calmly with his eyes closed. By the time the sleigh had come to a stop David had been covered from head to toe with snow and ice. His hair looked like a snow Amadeus wig while the rest of him resembled an ice sculpture done in a horizontal blizzard look as the theme. Without looking, David calmly said “Hello Martin.” as he started to clear his eye sockets of ice and snow. The elf driving the sleigh was Martin, one of Santa’s top elves.
“Hello David.” said Martin less than enthusiastically.
“Nice landing.” said David sarcastically as he tried to brush the snow and ice off his clothes.
“Thank you. I was rather proud of the style points it would have received.” answered Martin with a devilish grin.
David then climbed into the back of the sleigh glaring at Martin as he entered. Before he could sit down the sleigh took off with a sudden jolt knocking David to the floor in the back seat of the sleigh.
David reached and grabbed the back of the front seat and pulled himself up so his head was all that you could see “I take it you read this year’s book?” said David with a mischievous grin.
Martin didn’t turn to reply but just squinted his eyes in anger and immediately executed several barrel rolls like an F-16 fighter. The g-force of the maneuver pinned David back to the floor of the sleigh until it leveled off. Once again David grabbed the back of the front seat and slowly pulled himself up obviously feeling nauseated.
“Oh, I’m sorry David I forgot you don’t like flying in a sleigh?” said Martin with an innocent grin.
“Martin I get it, you didn’t like my book!”
“Would you be talking about, “Elves Gone Wild”? Why wouldn’t I like the book David? Could it be because the totally fictitious character Martin was a fornicating alcoholic?” Upon finishing his sentence, the reindeer immediately executed two more high-speed, barrel rolls to perfection, once again pinning David to the floor.
As soon as they leveled off, David grabbed the left side of the sleigh and threw up. He then sat on the floor exhausted, leaning against the side of the sleigh with one arm hanging over the side trying to collect himself.
“Oh my David, I sure hope I didn’t cause that.” Martin said giggling.
David smirked at Martin sheepishly, unable to muster any form of retaliation.
Soon they arrived at the North Pole and landed on Main Street, coming to a stop directly in front of Santa’s home. Martin was smiling as he held the sleigh door open for David whose hair was still a complete wreck; it looked like some sort of ice sculpture peacock. Freezing and nauseated, David looked severely pale as he glared at Martin. David then slowly stood up and tried to straighten his hair and clothes. The whole time he did not take his eyes off Martin in anticipation that he might try something else. He then started to exit the sleigh while looking Martin directly in the eyes “Wait until you read my next book!” and just as he put his foot down Martin promptly kicked the foot stool away sending David tumbling head over heels across the street.
About that time Santa had hurried out of his house to greet his brother. David had just rose to his feet with a wild look in his eyes and started yelling “Ok, that’s it little man, me and you and the rumble at the North Pole.” He then lunged at Martin who was in a crouched position ready to mix it up with David when Santa Claus came around the sleigh and quickly realized what was going on. He jumped in front of David, catching him in mid air, stopping his attempt to assault Martin. With Santa’s back to him, Martin smiled big and flipped David off which infuriated David even more “Kris let go, this elf needs his little ass kicked!” as he tried desperately to escape Santa’s grip. Martin turned and nonchalantly loaded back into the sleigh and started driving back to the hangar all the while flipping David off again with his back to him. David was watching Martin drive off with a crazed look in his eye when Santa said “Why do you write such things and use his name in every book you write?”
This seemed to bring David back to his senses “Why do you send him to pick me up every year!”
Santa just laughed “I don’t! He pays the other Elves to switch places so he can get a crack at you. Do us both a favor and leave him out of your next book, please! It will take years for him to cool down with the reprints and all.” Santa then started to drag his brother into the house while David was still looking in the direction of where Martin had gone.
David then looked at his brother and said “Hello Kris.”
“Hello David. Glad to see you could make it.”
“Kris don’t get mad but I am going to kick his little ass if I ever get the chance!”
“Give it a rest already.”
After saying this they were standing in the entry way of the house where they both stopped and looked at each other and hugged. Kris and David then entered the house together. Inside Kris’s wife, Claire, Mrs. Claus, it gets confusing, greeted David with a hug.
“Oh”¦ David, it is good to see you.” said Claire genuinely happy to see him.
Smiling David said “There’s the one my brother took from the flock” giving Claire a big hug and continued “and there were no good ones left!”
“Oh hush David, I know good and well you don’t sit around and stew over any woman.”
“The curse of my life Claire, the curse.” said David placing his hand over his heart sarcastically while making a semi serious face. They just laughed and walked towards the dining room.
In the dining room there was an amazing spread of food as was the case every year; turkey, ham, yams, candied apples, mashed potatoes, and it went on.
“Lovely meal as always Claire.” said David.
“You’re welcome even though I should throw you over my lap and beat you for the last book you wrote. Seriously, “Elves Gone Wild”, we know you don’t mean anything by it, but the Elves, and then you named Martin again…”
Santa Claus had interrupted her “Claire, Martin gave him the ride here, so”
“Oh, well then, I am sure you had punishment enough.” She said smiling and matter fact all at the same time. David just sat there with a scowl on his face at the mention of Martin’s name again. Claire then went into the kitchen to get yet another dish to serve at dinner.
David sat at his usual place in the center of the table while Kris took his seat at the head of the table. Soon Claire came in and sat down at the opposite end. Kris then started to give the blessing “Dear Lord, thank you for such a good year and giving us the means by which to bring hope into children’s lives”
“Ten years or younger.” interjected David suddenly during Kris’s prayer with his eyes closed and hands folded.
Santa confused a little had stopped his prayer but started from where David interrupted “and thank you for the elves”
“Except Martin who is a known alcoholic and fornicator.” interrupted David eyes still closed and hands folded. Hearing this Claire giggled slightly trying to hold it back.
Santa slanted his head sideways and opened his eyes and looked at Claire slightly bewildered “Don’t encourage him.” and then continued “and the elves who work tirelessly to provide the symbol of hope through the gifts they so masterfully create. Thank you for my brother David who we love dearly and thank you for him being able to join us”
“Because he was almost killed by a sadistic elf.” blurted David once again with his eyes still closed and hands folded.
Santa obviously getting impatient with the interruptions continues louder “and for my wife Claire who has always been very patient and tolerable of my work and is the best partner any husband could ever ask for.”
“Amen!” said David loudly at which point Santa opened his eyes and looked at David with a scowl on his face.
“David would you like to give your own blessing now?”
“No, I just liked providing the color for your message which by the way was quite good.” said David in a sucking up manner.
“I can’t wait any longer.” said David as he stood up from the table. “I have been waiting to tell you both in person so here goes. I finally know what I was destined to do!” he exclaimed.
Copyright 2008 Don Keeler. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the author.
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