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{ 90 } Comments
I’m afraid I didn’t get passed the first screenfull. Basically there is too much inane dialogue. I would advise the writer to think about the purposes of dialogue in a story, i.e. to give more information about the characters; to provide information or clues about the plot. It is not to keep repeating the same thing over and over, or to record everyday trivia, without taking the story on to a further or another level. There is no action. There may be a good story here, but what I read did not encourage me to look for it.
Too many adjectives. I got to the start of paragraph three and stopped there. I guess the writer is trying to take the reader into the woods and into her soul. But she’s trying too hard. She should use punchy verbs to ’show’ rather than adjectives to ‘tell’ in order to bring this alive and let the reader see it through his or her own eyes rather than through the eyes of the author.
This sounds interesting. The introduction is well-written and the author shows she knows what she is talking about through her use of statistics and quotes. I like the work book idea – it’s a tried and tested system that works. I would be encouraged to flick through further to see what the exercises are like and to see just how well she explains branding without being theoretical, and how she brings it to an individual level. If you can bring this off, Brenda, I wish you all the best in the world and I hope the book makes great sales for you. I guess if you’ve put the book into practice then you will definitely succeed!
If this were edited to cut out some of the stilted dialogue and to get it moving along faster there might be a good book here.
Already we are getting to know what the characters are like; however, I think the author needs to make Mark more real.
This is a bit Mills and Boon for may taste, but I think there is an intriguing story here. I just wish authors would proof read and learn some rules of writing and grammer. Has this author never heard of an apostrophe? I almost didn’t read beyond the first line: I can’t quite picture ‘passing trees’! Reading the dialogue out loud is fun!
Great to have the plot and characters set right at the start. If the rest sustains the momentum, this should be a good read – a sort of a holiday book.
I have vowed only to post positive comments, so here goes:
Life is a road.
Get on it and read!
Very compelling excerpt, Cynthia. Another book for my TBR list.
Laurel Bradley
A Wish in Time
Creme Brulee Upset
http://www.laurelbradley.com
Thanks for your note and comments, Alison. I’ve been blessed to be able to help thousands of people with this tried and true system, so I feel confident you would benefit from it, too. And, I purposefully wrote the book so that it would be simple to follow, easy to understand, and fun, too. As the saying goes: “Try it – you’ll like it!”
You might enjoy taking the personal branding quiz on our website, too. See http://www.HowYOUAreLikeShampoo.com.
Cheers, Alison, and here’s to YOU(tm)!
Too much telling, very little showing. Like many writers, this person needs to cut. Too many words used for little effect.
Too many adverbs. Adjectives, too, abound. The idea might be good. Needs a rewrite.
Wow, that was intense. And it flowed well. Will pick up today.
Hi Louis;
Nice story and off to a really good start.
I felt some of the assumption you were having the main character make were a little cliched, specifically what Samuel thought of the murderer. The police are a little cliched too in their “heartlessness” about the initial murder and then his daughter’s incident.
These don’t take away from the story, just stuck out to me as cliched.
Congratulations on writing and publishing a book for kids. I look forward to advertising your book in the June 1st edition of Expressions. Thanks for sending your news. And best of luck with sales.
~Cathy Buburuz
Too many adjectives – amateurish start – but the dream bit seems interesting, a different and more mature style
Hi Jenny. I posted a link to your book and this site on my blog at
http://walkbroad.wordpress.com/
Look forward to reading the book in the near future, the excerpt has me really interested in completing the story.
Good Luck Caine!
The writer captures a mood, but here are too many words. Does she mean Calais?
I CAME ACROSS MR. MARTINES’S OTHER BOOK- JENN A’S M.U.T.. I HOPE THIS ONE IS AS GOOD AS THAT ONE!!!!!
This looks good. I might have to see about buying a copy soon!
Read this book a few weeks back – it’s a corker! I would really recommend it.
There is a whole lot of originality. The text book could be more useful if you could include practical examples that readers can relate to
This excerpt is nice — but it doesn’t do the book justice. I LOVE THIS BOOK!
Yea, PAIDRA!!!
Good for you, Paidra!
Well done Paidra. good luck with this
Wonderful Paidra. I applaud you. I’m so proud of you and I encourage you to write more and more and more. Well done.
This is a great hook, Paidra! I can’t wait to read the book.
Paidra Delayno is one of my favorite authors. I loved this book!!
Way to go Paidra! Congrats!!!
All your comment says is hi. I didn’t realize it was a comment at first. Did you read the excerpt and do you have any more comments to make about it?
Well done, “DG” See newsvine post.
Walt, CWA
PS. Contact me re: review for CWA, my McLit reviews.
W.
Wow, I feel compelled to leave a comment about this fascinating piece of writing. As the old saying goes – Truth is stranger than fiction – The excerpt above is evident of this.
I love true stories with strong heartfelt emotions. Thank you for the link to buy Stuart McCallum’s book- that is exactly what I’m going to do.
Lidia
Congratulations, Paidra! This is wonderful. You are a great inspiration to the rest of us who have manuscripts in the works…
Pinch Hitter is such a good book! I really liked this one – Even for a non-sports fan like me, it was a surprisingly good read. I read it cover to cover. I hope to see it on TV or on the Big Screen someday soon!
Out of all the office novels I have read so far, Handle Time is is my favorite of the genre. It’s short, and funny as hell! This author goes out of her way to illustrate her sarcastic points on numerous occasions. I can’t say enough about how much I laughed! Call centers suck — and she hit the nail on the head. It’s about time someone came out with a good, blue-collar office book; instead of the ‘marketing manager’ crap I’ve been reading, as of late.
HANDLE TIME ROCKS!! Forget all those other dumb books that tell you how to behave in a call center. Handle Time tells you what REALLY goes down! Customers rot, managers are lame and your paycheck is comical…but you stay there because it beats being homeless. IMHO, EVERY person who puts on a headset to make a living should have a copy of this crazy book! You won’t regret it. In fact, you’ll probably leave it right on top of your desk like everybody in my call center does. PS — Handle Time is the only book that the girls and guys in my call center are both reading AT THE SAME TIME We hate their chick-lit; they hate our horror and action — but we ALL love Handle Time!
I am a retired physician with a law degree just trying to jumpstart a freelance career in health/medical writing. This book is great! The information is very useful as the authors take you through the various steps and pitfalls they encountered along their paths. They stress that even though they were “unqualified” to become medical writers…they both have built enjoyable and profitable careers! I would highly recommend this book just for the reading and information provided, even if your chosen freelance genre is not medical writing.
Way to go Paidra! Gotta get this book! you are my hero!
After reading the book “The Joy of Kinky and Spicy Sex,” I found it to be exactly what I was looking for. It really got me to thinking of ways to improve my relationship. The best thing I liked about it was it gave me real examples that I could use instead of vague suggestions that just left me hanging like other books I had read.
This book truly is entertaining and informative. I found it to be tastefully written, not vulgar, and very funny. It was just a delight to read and has helped to put a spark back into our relationship.
I would highly recommend it to anyone who is looking to spice up their relationship.
Frigging AMAZING book!
I bookmarked your blog, thanks for sharing this very interesting post
This is a great detailed book of interest to anyone who knows the trails of addiction whether personally or as a friend/family. I highly recommend this intriguing story of one person’s struggle to over the chains of addiction.
Gifts From the Child Within reveals the potentialities of the human condition to heal the wounds caused by childhood trauma with the aide of unconscious processes. Dr. Sinor’s methods for changing one’s internalized picture of reality through Re-Creation therapy is a testament to psychotherapeutic progress. Without the conscious transformation that is required for recovery, she says that most people stay trapped in a mind-set regarding world views, beliefs, goals, motives, values, love, and compassion. This is a significant contribution to humanity.
The Joy of Kinky and Spicy Sex is very entertaining and quite funny. If your relationship lacks zest and has become boring and very predictable, as mine had, I think this book will help. It wasn’t until after reading it that I was able to see just how simple it was to find and do things that would make all cylinders click again and change the dynamics of my relationship for the better.
I enjoyed reading the excerpt. This is very interesting story and great concept. I look forward to reading more. Thanks for sharing.
Rekaya Gibson, Author
The Food Temptress
http://www.foodtemptress.com
This chapter has a lot of interesting ideas in it, and a lot of potential. However, these ideas are presented in a very disjointed (often non-sequitor) manner, without any discernable connection with what came before or sometimes even with depth psychology. The style also varies from formal to familiar, contributing to the sense of haphazardness and disorganization of the material. This is a pity, as all of this interesting material could make for an interesting book if it could be given focus, cohesion, and a run through by a good editor.
Best of luck and thanks for sharing this excerpt!
This book Rox! Loved it! I’m 13 & was totally easy to follow. ****
I really like Lili Dauphin’s style. There’s always a lesson to learn. The Thinking Cow is about the quest for finding the meaning within all actions without judgment.
I had the pleasure of editing and working on this book and I found it to be an excellent read. One thing I found out by reading it to edit it that the ending is a surprise ending, one you will never expect! Kudos to Terry on a well developed plot and happy sales to you!
I thought the book was original in the sense that it is up to the reader to decide what the moral of each story is. It’s a fun book to read and discuss with friends. A lot of interesting stories come up when you discuss morals.
This is really bad writing!
What a jerk. He’s lousy in the sack, and he blames it all on ADD! I have ADD, and no one’s complained yet. Whining ain’t sexy, dude. Grow the &&&& up.
I really enjoyed this excerpt. Looks like an excellent read.
This sounds really good. Love the book cover, too.
Couldn’t stop reading this book! I like your style of writing – lots of cliff-hangers. Good leads in every chapter. Characters I can see and hear and much sound from your battle seems realistic. Lincoln is believable; his concern is felt, his personal manerisms seem visible. General Jackson pictured like a hero – and I’m a Yankee! Throw away the scabbard, but buy the book! Thank you and best regards.
The White Cockroach is more than a high-tension thriller. It questions the current laws on drug prohibition and raises social issues, conflicts and exploitation marking the relationship between the two North American neighbors, Mexico and the U.S. Just the kind of story I love.
Nice postings…Great message about the book
sorry, but the author uses a lot of unnecessary words to describe action. The trick with all ficti0n, in particular Romance fiction, is to keep the story moving along by short sharp realistic dialogue and simplify superficial action description down to the bone. BUILD UP THE TENSION by not telling the reader every little thing. Leave him or her to use their imagination and the story line will become much more interesting FOR THEM.
Interesting subject matter and analysis but I wonder if the real answer to the poser lies somewhere between. I like the writing style.
As someone who just moved to Chile. I like what I see of this excerpt! Well written and captivating! Putting this one one my Xmas list for the kids to buy me.
I like the interesting writing that hooks you into the story. Excellent blurb.
Looks like you are going to have a winner!
I enjoyed reading expert from your book, I wish all blessing that you get from writing this book. I know it will be a hot book.
Evelyn Johnson
countrygirl
‘ur’ site is nice
I’d like your web site for free ebooks.
Everyone needs to buy this book, especially if you have children!!
Tim. I am the managing editor at the Norwalk Reflector. Could you send us some info and I will have Don Hohler call you. Thanks, Joe
Class story told in a convincing and uncompromising way. Trust me, as one who has lived thru the ‘Troubles’ of N. Ireland this novel is as real as it gets.
Alex,
This is friggin’ great stuff! As a west-coaster during that era I can only recall (and just barely at that) having seen one issue of the EVO.
I remember standing out on the Sunset Strip handing out copies of the L.A. Free Press. One of my great regrets is that I didn’t save any copies of the San Francisco Oracle. Visually, it was so very iconic of the time. Thinking back now I can almost smell the paper it was printed on.
I will definitely put your book on my “to buy” list. What a trip.
Love the book!! I am waiting for Book II!
Alex,
This is only interesting. I expected something a bit more compelling, or compellingly written, than advertised as “Part SPY story, part TIME-TRAVEL adventure, it is finally a responsible history of a remarkable era… Chapter 26. The SECRET LIFE of the East Village Other, New York, 1968-69… If the title of this chapter makes little sense to you…”
At least in this excerpt I found no SPY, TIME-TRAVEL nor SECRET LIFE.
So even after reading this excerpt, you’re right, it makes little sense. No, I don’t want a RESPONSIBLE HISTORY OF A REMARKABLE ERA, but a REMARKABLE HISTORY OF AN IRRESPONSIBLE ERA.
Ed
Hi Joe!
Don did an article for the Reflector within the last year and I had great response to it.
Tim
My granddaughter read this and her comment was “Why would the father and the feed store man call his daughter ‘Auntie’ Suzie?
Wow, did this ever bring back great memories. Yes, I was one of seven children born to Paul Spandikow part owner of the Spandikow Greenhouse mentioned above (along with Grandpa Elmer who lived on George street which was the road between Amling’s Flowerland and the Spandikow Greenhouse). We lived on 15th ave. I was born in 1952 so my memories were a little different as the area started developing. May I have permission to make a copy and give it to my father? And may I say on behalf of the Spandikow’s, we forgive you for the marble cannon incident.
Sincerely,
John
Don,
I’m a PhD student writing my dissertation on ADHD and writing.
Would love to interview you for my project.
PLEASE contact me for more information.
Thanks in advance for your consideration.
THIS IS A NOVEL OF ADVENTURE, CONSPIRACY, FOREIGN INTRIGUE, DEAL MAKING, ROMANCE, FINANCIAL STRATEGIES AND THE ISSUE DU JOUR…TERRORISM
“One of the good things about sleeper cell is it’s ability to make you look over your shoulder and wonder about the person next to you. You also begin to see the potential for bad in everyone, even a small child. The story spends a lot of time talking about the short relationship between the soldier and the boy and even gives our glimpses of Ben’s “All American” life after the tragic death of his family. The frightening part is how the author can take the scenes of triumph over tragedy and pieces of normalcy and sew threads of plotting and evil into every day life.”
T. Norwood (Virginia)
“This is a lively and readable novel of action, and situation, the narrative moves along at a great rate, dialogue is particularly well crafted. The characters are completely believable in the parts they play, and the end result is strong and effective. The story is able to keep you in suspense through its twenty-four years of activity, with today’s situations and circumstances soothsaying into the future. The international settings and places added to the foreign intrigue, deal making and conspiracy undertaking is strengthened by the strong and realistic drawn characters of Jonathan and Ben Ali. The futuristic financings and financial strategies dovetailing into today’s environmental needs set the stage for sequels to follow.”
M. Lowery (Ohio)
“Every so often, a writer is able to capture the moment with a story that address current day issues, events and circumstances which all readers, both young and older, can identify. Mr. McNeal’s’ Sleeper Cell delivers a hard hitting written tapestry that brings to life in bold strokes the good, bad and ugly on an international stage with a style that reminds the reader of novels written by the likes of Nicholas Pileggi, Tom Clancy, John Grisham and Norman Mailer.”
R. A. Harris (New Hampshire)
“Mr. McNeal’s Sleeper Cell is intriguing and so current that I had a hard time putting it down. He uses refreshing far-reaching knowledge of the various directions his book takes. Specific references of sports activities, the internals of the corporate environment, the military, even up to the Green Zone in Baghdad, all of which added to the excitement of his book. As a woman, his descriptions of the hotel rooms and the restaurants jumped out at me – so thorough that I could visualize details of the rooms. His excellent use of familiar attractions in various U.S. cities added pleasant memories. The descriptions of international projects brought a new interest that is both promising and unnerving, while the characters were believable and exciting. In his book, Mr. McNeal appears to draw from some of his own life experiences – all in the spirit of objectivity. I am anxiously awaiting the sequel with the hint of promised intrigue. This is a winner.”
P. Wright (North Carolina)
IOnce I read the powerful words of Ms. Ferguson, I was changed. God is definitely using her for the glory of His tabernacle. May God continue to bless that young beautifyl lady. Support her please.
Very good read. Well presented opinion backed with scripture and quotes.
Even liberals should enjoy how kind this work is in explaining conservatism and Christian scripture backing those ideas.
I really like this & would do the purchase. I get a good feeling about it from the start.
Best of luck to you!
D.M. Campo
What an amazing book! I could not have anticipated how this book would open my mind to different ways of looking at people and how we share experiences. The author takes readers to new places and into the lives of people who are a lot like “us” but don’t initially appear to be so.
Wow! Creepy! This excerpt from “Lucas Manson” reads like something very different from the ordinary supermarket thriller with the knuckleheaded macho hero. Seems to be chick-lit-friendly. I’m going to buy my copy today.
I read Hauck’s previous novel “Pistonhead,” about a guy who works in a factory and plays guitar in a rock band. It was surprisingly literary–the characters had very rich interior lives and Hauck did a good job of putting you into their heads. “Lucas Manson” is a horror thriller about a vampire evangelist…. a change of pace for Hauck, but the excerpt reads like he is not settling for the assembly-line approach that I find in so many thrillers. I look forward to reading “Lucas Manson!”
You can buy this book at https://www.createspace.com/3460206
Needs quite a bit of proofreading/editing to correct sloppy punctuation. Writing is rather amateurish…maybe there’s a worthwhile story here but it’s hard to find.
Interesting. Lots of tension, and a scene that keeps you on the edge of your seat, especially if you’re into werewolves and the like.
Could use some clean-up editing, but not bad, technically speaking.
Get this story to a line editor pronto! Grammatical errors discourage readers. Better yet? Take a creative writing class and/or join a writers critique group.
This story starts with Chapter 2. It’s evocative hook in the first sentence grabs the reader. Dump Chapter 1, or revise it and move it somewhere else. There’s nothing wrong with a dream sequence, but it’s not powerful enough as written to convince the reader to buy the book.
It’s stunning to see a good book so roundly dismissed by someone who hasn’t read it. bateswriter’s critique of this fine piece of writing by Terence Clarke condemns it for its first 250 words. That shortsightedness relieves bateswriter of the task of reading a quite moving novel about the search for affection and forgiveness on the part of two people whose lives have gone very badly awry. Don’t miss this book, the way bateswriter has. You’ll find in it a picture of Che Guevara that is unlike any I’ve read. And in Ofelia you’ll find a young girl whose tortuous loss of her father has led her to the edge of madness…madness set right by her conversations with the dying Guevara.
Francis Javier
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